In-Vitro Fertilization, or IVF, comes with a lot of things. And for me, one of those things is regret. While IVF treatment can be amazing, it certainly is life-changing, regardless of the result. But, as I said, I have a few IVF regrets. Here’s hoping you learn from me and have zero regrets about your cycle of IVF.
While the success rates of IVF have improved dramatically over the years, the process can still be emotionally and physically challenging for many people. As a result, some people may experience feelings of regret, whether it’s due to failed attempts, multiple rounds of IVF taking their toll, unexpected side effects, or other complications that arise during or after the aid of reproductive medicine.
I regret being ashamed of my infertility
I’m sure I’m not alone in this. But I kind of took it personally when the infertility label was first slapped on me in 2015. And even more so when it changed to unexplained infertility. It’s just that. Unexplained. There is no reason for it. Mine and my husband’s bodies appear to work as they are meant to. But something just wasn’t working.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this. But I kind of took it personally when the infertility label was first slapped on me in 2015. And even more so when it changed to unexplained infertility. It’s just that. Unexplained. There is no reason for it. Mine and my husband’s bodies appear to work as they are meant to. But something just wasn’t working. The diagnosis gave us little relief after years of speculation about why it wasn’t happening for us.
My head was still full of false narratives about whose fault it was that we couldn’t have a baby. And these were absolute lies I’d made up to prepare myself for the worst.
I regret not sharing my story
I wish I had opened up to some of my close friends and family members about it. For some reason, I kept it all to myself. Only sharing some of my feelings with my husband, who was my best friend. I thought I was tough enough to get through this difficult period on my own. But I wasn’t alone; my husband was experiencing the same thing. Perhaps in a different way, but we were in it together.
I even wish I shared my story on my blog. My blog was already in existence, so why not use it to share my story? It would give me an outlet and maybe even let someone else relate to me.
I regret not taking the time to work on myself
IVF was the perfect time for a bit of self-reflection and dreaming. But I carried on as usual because I thought that was what I had to do. I wish I took the time to find ways to look after my mental health.
I was into running at the time. And I still tried to run every few days. But once I started injections for IVF, I found it painful to run. My ovaries felt like they were the size of oranges, bouncing around inside my body as I ran. Keeping active seemed like a good idea at the time!
But punishing my body after medical treatments was not the best way to cope.
I regret making IVF a priority
Sure, IVF was a significant part of my life at the time. But I wish I didn’t live there for so long. I made it part of me because I kept it to myself and I put my life on hold while trying to get pregnant.
I’d put off studying for my Diploma in Accounting for a few years, in case I got pregnant. I started and finished my diploma the year we did IVF, and I had my diploma by the time I got pregnant. That just shows how long the journey can be. And even longer when there is a waiting list.
That helped prove to me that my life was in my own hands. I was still able to accomplish things, even though I was experiencing a lot of personal pain.
I regret being so naive about the baby-making road
I was 24 when I off the pill. It was 2 months before my wedding and I had really hoped for a honeymoon baby. But we didn’t just hope. We made sure we did it everywhere. At one stage during our honeymoon, I thought I was pregnant. I threw up on the Ferris Wheel at Disney California Adventure Park. Pretty embarrassing.
I was naive because of the lack of information about all areas of infertility treatment. I was young and didn’t know what a challenging road I had before me.
I didn’t know much about success rates, embryo grading, genetic testing (for a better chance), or any of the IVF procedures like egg retrievals, egg freezing, embryo transfer and medications for a course of treatment.
And the thought of using donor eggs or donor sperm didn’t cross our minds.
I cried when I woke up from my egg retrieval. I remember thinking that no one should have to be put to sleep to have their eggs harvested in order to have a child. And I still feel quite strongly about that.
There is no right way to prepare for IVF. I just wish I’d done things differently from the very first time I met with my doctor. So many things can be added ontop of an already tough day, and regret shouldn’t be one of them.
While I do have IVF regrets, it’s still my experience and my story. I wouldn’t change a thing, just like all of my other regrets. And I have such gratitude that I was able to use my own eggs, and not rely on an egg donor or sperm donor and that our one and only cycle resulted in a live birth.
Pregnancy rumors or announcements still send my head into a spin. And that’s something I’m working on.
