Ending a friendship can sometimes be even harder than breaking up with a romantic partner. Friendships come with years of shared memories, trust, and connection. But toxic friendships—those filled with drama, manipulation, or unhealthy competition—can leave you with a hard time deciding what to do next.
The fear of confrontation, losing a sense of normalcy, or having your secrets exposed may tempt you to stay. Yet, holding onto a toxic friendship often means sacrificing your own well-being for someone who no longer adds positivity to your life.
Regardless of your thoughts and fears, the good news is ending a toxic friendship (or a friendship that is just not working) is possible.
Signs of a toxic friendship
Sometimes your friends can be ok when you’re one-on-one, but sometimes when you add in other people it becomes a toxic dynamic. Which can often lead to peer pressure. Toxic friendships are difficult to let go of, especially if you’ve been friends with them for a long time. But sometimes, when you realise that your mental health is suffering, it’s the right time to move on.
Some signs that you might have a toxic relationship:
Lack of Respect:
- Your boundaries are not respected.
- They dismiss your core values or beliefs.
- They belittle or make fun of your opinions, even during a difficult time.
Constant Emotional Strain:
- They make you feel guilty for spending time with others.
- Your stress levels increase when you’re around them.
- You feel nervous or uneasy in their presence.
- You don’t like how you feel after spending time with them, as their bad behavior causes lasting frustration.
Trust Issues and Manipulation:
- They talk about you or others behind your back.
- They have broken your trust repeatedly.
- They weaponize your struggles (e.g., spreading rumors or applying peer pressure).
- They blame you for their negative behaviour or failures.
- They involve others to gang up on you, escalating to emotional abuse in some cases.
Unhealthy Dynamics:
- They try to change you to fit their expectations.
- They make you compete with them, creating unnecessary tension.
- You give more to the friendship than you receive, leaving you feeling unsupported.
- Your other relationships and commitments suffer because of their controlling tendencies.
If you find yourself agreeing with several of these signs, it may be time to reflect on whether the friendship is truly healthy. A few isolated behaviours aren’t always proof of toxic traits, but recurring patterns can signal that something needs to change. Keep an eye out for these warning signs over time to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
RELATED:
→ Friendship Red Flags: How to tell you are in an unhealthy friendship
→ 10 traits for a good friendship
→ Self sabotaging beliefs and how to overcome them
→ How to make and keep friends as a young adult
Set boundaries
If you’re caught in an unhealthy situation, ending the friendship doesn’t have to be your first step. Instead, consider setting boundaries that are realistic yet firm. Clear boundaries allow you to protect yourself while maintaining control over the dynamics of the relationship.
Here are some examples of boundaries you can set with a toxic friend:
Limit communication and reduce how often and through which channels you communicate each week. For example, stick to one platform (e.g., in-person, text messages, or social media messaging) to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Control your privacy and decide which areas of your life you wish to share. Let them know certain topics are off-limits to safeguard your emotional well-being.
Assess their requests and think carefully before agreeing to their demands or requests. Ensure it doesn’t come at the cost of your own peace or priorities.
Create space and limit the amount of time you spend together, especially if interactions leave you feeling drained or stressed.
Healthy boundaries help create a sense of safety and mutual respect, which is essential for positive friendships. Setting these limits is also a strong first step toward protecting yourself from toxic people.
Remember, boundaries are easiest to set when meeting new people or building fresh friendships. They lay the foundation for positive, meaningful connections and help you attract the kind of friends you truly want in your life.
Be honest with yourself
You might hesitate to have a drawn-out conversation, but it’s important to take a step back and talk with your friend about how you feel. Open communication is a crucial part of evaluating whether the relationship can be salvaged or whether it’s time to move on.
Remind yourself that your feelings are valid, and you have good reasons to end the friendship if it’s causing harm. However, if there’s potential for change, you might consider working things out. If not, it may be best to let go—for your own well-being.
Here are a few honest questions to ask yourself:
- Does this friend truly have my best interests at heart?
- Is there anything I can do to improve the friendship on my end?
- How will changing or ending this relationship impact my difficult emotions, both positively and negatively?
- Is this relationship taking a toll on my mental or physical health?
- Do they deserve a second chance if I’ve set better boundaries and seen an effort to change?
The key is to be honest with yourself—and with your friend if you decide to have a conversation about these issues. The sooner you come to terms with your feelings and the reality of the situation, the sooner you can take action to remove a toxic friendship from your life.
Remove sentimentality
If you’ve decided to end a friendship, it means you’ve recognized that it’s no longer serving your best interests. However, it’s important not to let emotions or nostalgia cloud your message. Maintain focus by addressing your friend’s behavior that led to your decision and communicate your thoughts as calmly and objectively as possible.
While it’s natural to reflect on the positive memories you’ve shared, those moments don’t erase the negative impact their behaviour has had on your mental state and well-being. Letting sentimentality take over might cause you to second-guess your decision, but prioritizing your own needs is essential for your growth and happiness.
During the conversation, remain courteous and respectful. A friendship breakup is never easy, but presenting your thoughts with clarity and composure can help you end things in a way that aligns with your values. By staying clear-headed and focusing on the bigger picture, you ensure your decision reflects what is best for your own health and future relationships.
End the friendship
Although you may try to slowly distance yourself from a toxic person, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes, the best way forward is to have a direct conversation.
Sit down with your particular friend and explain that the friendship is no longer working for you. Be clear about your own needs and the emotional toll it has taken. If you see no positive changes, let them know it’s time to move on.
It can be difficult, especially if mutual friends or the good times you’ve shared cloud your judgment. But prioritizing healthy social connections and leaving behind destructive behavior is key to building a better support system.
Healing After Letting Go
Letting go of bad friendships—whether it’s a so-called friend, a family member, or part of your broader social circles—is never easy. The negative feelings tied to toxic behaviors won’t disappear overnight, but with time, you’ll begin to heal.
Focus on surrounding yourself with good people who bring emotional support and positivity into your life. True friendships come from a place of love and respect, not manipulation or harm. By prioritizing your well-being and investing in healthier relationships, you’ll set the foundation for long-term happiness and peace.
